What To Do When You Feel You Can't Get Through?

Related Services: Communication Strategy, Leadership Support

Photo by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels - A breakdown in communication can feel like running up against a blank wall. Contemplating it can help you find cracks, windows and doors to get through!

Communication is an integral part of any relationship. As a founder, co-founder, team leader or creative, we are constantly in conversation with others. Ideally, we listen closely and that is reciprocated and we feel heard. Ideally, we understand each other's intent and respond through mutually agreeable actions. The reality, however, can at times be very different. With time, experience and thoughtful experimentation, we can develop an effective communication style that is adaptable and effective with people from different backgrounds, differing power status and styles of communicating.

Feeling Unheard and Its Fallout

The biggest challenges in communication emerge when one side feels completely unheard by the other. This can be a minor annoyance or escalate to a tense and disagreeable work relationship and negative work outcomes. What can we do if we face such a situation? While on the whole, such a situation is unpleasant to even imagine, it offers room for reflection and growth. A good place to begin is by reminding ourselves that conversations take two and that we are equally part of the problem and consequently capable of becoming the source and part of the solution. Once there is a little thinking time, try to think or ask about the communication style of the other. Do they feel overwhelmed by long emails? Do they get tense if they don't get a reply within an hour or a day? It takes a very self-aware person to know these things. It is more likely that such information will be found from others or only with some reflection. If it is in your power, create a chance for such reflection and arrive at a mutually agreeable rhythm of communication. Don’t forget to answer these questions for yourself too.

Find Your Rhythm of Communication

“It helps to know for yourself what you care most about in communication (medium, frequency, length, style - factual vs descriptive etc.) and ask others to share their own.”

Finding a rhythm of communication is half the problem solved. Sometimes a quick note to say you have received or heard the other party and will reply in a few days will avert or resolve much of the tension in a potentially defensive exchange. It also helps to have clear conversations about content and tone. It helps to know for yourself what you care most about in communication (medium, frequency, length, style - factual vs descriptive etc.) and ask others to share their own. This may not prevent all miscommunication or ensure amicable conversations in perpetuity. It will, however, ensure that all parties can resolve disagreements by going back to something shared and agreed upon. It can ensure that everyone can learn more about their needs, their preferences and share their learnings.